I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
