Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize