Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
