I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
