So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
