Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
