If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
