did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
