A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
