You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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