Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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