my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
