the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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