It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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