Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
