that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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