It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
