just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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