My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
