reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
