i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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