I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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