She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
