I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
