Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
