if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
