I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
