Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
whose parrot is this?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
