areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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