This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
