evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
