even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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