When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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