that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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