I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
