you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
