imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
