I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
