ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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