Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize