Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
