is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
