he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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