If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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