If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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