She's JV to your varsity
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She has the best kind of daddy issues
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
