Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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