spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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