I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
