You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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