I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
