I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
