Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
