I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She told me I should be a condom model.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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