Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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