I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
