the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
