how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That was before I lit my hair on fire
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
