dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
