Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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