Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
