she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize