Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
