it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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